Date: May, 1997
Location: Baja, Mexico
Riders: Pinhead, Conehead, Ev’, and The Rookie
Guide: Richard (a.k.a. Baja’s Chuck Norris)
Editor’s Note:
This story was originally published on All-OffRoad in 1997 and was long thought to be lost to time (and maybe a margarita-fueled hard drive crash). Recently rediscovered, it’s been dusted off, updated, and republished so a new generation of riders can enjoy the chaos, crashes, and cactus close calls of Baja ’97.
Day Three Continued: Right Outta the Driveway
We all stuffed ourselves with a proper breakfast, completely unaware of the trail-side buffet of chaos that was about to unfold. And it didn’t take long—first turn out of the driveway, and Richard low-sides the XR250 like it’s part of the plan.
Turns out it wasn’t rider error—it was mechanical. His petcock knob snapped off, starving the bike of fuel and dousing the trail with precious go-juice. We scrounged up the parts, safety-wired it together, and limped a couple miles to Richard’s place to grab his backup ride—an XR500. Because, of course, Richard keeps a spare XR handy. Legend.
A quick petcock swap later, we were back on the trail.
Gate Etiquette 101: Cows > Riders
This is when having Richard with us really started to pay off. He casually pointed out that the gates we kept encountering weren’t warnings—they were cow containment. You open it, ride through, and—get this—close it. If it’s open, leave it open.
We’d have never figured that out. Without him, we’d probably still be trying to hop fences like morons.
Stopped at Laguna Hanson
Laguna Hanson: Scenic, Peaceful, Beerless
We rolled up to Laguna Hanson—a postcard-perfect spot—and posted up for a break. Richard, ever the hero, volunteered to ride ahead a couple miles to grab some beer. He returned empty-handed.
No beer.
No food.
No gas.
This stop just became a detour. And then—pssssst—Conehead’s rear tire gave up the ghost thanks to a hidden barbed wire fence. No biggie, we had tubes and gear. Conehead’s the fastest tire changer among us. Had the tube swapped and patched in minutes.
But then… betrayal. The MSR patch kit leaked like a politician. Mine too. Richard once again saved the day with his high-end, trigger-actuated CO₂ inflator. Worked like magic. We ditched our junk kits as soon as we got home.
Checkpoint Near Miss & the Chilly Climb to Mike’s
Back on the move, we hit the gas station for refuel—and more beer. Still no food. (Priorities, right?) As we left, The Rookie decided now was the time to obey checkpoint protocol. He stopped—even though the soldiers were waving us through—almost causing a dirt bike domino pile-up… into a line of men with machine guns. Fun!
Back on the trail, we aimed for Mike’s Sky Ranch. The sun dipped low. Temps plummeted. My new Moose enduro jacket kept me toasty. The Rookie, on the other hand, had all the insulation of a wet napkin. We stopped to layer up and trudged into Mike’s after dark.
Locked.
Lights out.
Cold.
Richard disappeared into the shadows and popped a window like he’d done this before. Moments later, he had us inside. No electricity, no hot water, and—yep—no dinner.
We dined on cookies. And water. And regret. Good thing we scored a few beers on the way!
Coming in Part 3…
- Richard’s “airport shortcut” turns into a goat trail death march
- Ev’ hits terminal velocity on a flat tire… and a rock
- Conehead cashes in another beer with a perfect tire swap
- And we discover the finest welder in all of Baja—for $3
Missed Part 1? Start the saga here 👉 All-OffRoad.com
