So what would you say if

So what would you say if all week you had to work late and couldn’t prepare for the long weekend ahead? You had been planning for months for one of the most looked-forward-to trips of the year. Your bike wasn’t ready and you discovered things growing in your gear bag because you were too damn lazy to empty it after the last ride – the last ride being one of those soggy mud baths that you were unprepared for and had to stop on the way to buy a “Hefty” brand enduro poncho. To top it off, you discover a bizarre milky substance in your CamelBak bladder.

So what would you say if you had been up till 4:00 am prepping the bike, washing the gear, and sterilizing the CamelBak? You spent all night and most of the early morning getting ready just so you’d be ready to leave immediately after work. Of course you passed out due to exhaustion, waking up an hour after you were supposed to be at work. You worked your backend off so you could leave on time. As usual, as you headed out the door, yet another crisis came up and you ended up leaving work an hour and a half late.

So what would you say if you raced home after leaving work late and began loading the truck? You discovered that you left essential parts, purchased during your lunch break, at work. You showed up at your riding buddy’s house two and a half hours late, after stopping at work to pick up your parts. You found your buddy getting the last of the gears back into his tranny and he asked if there’s time to stop at Safeway because he didn’t have time to pick up food for the weekend.

So what would you say if you went to the store, stopped to get gas, and didn’t end up on the road until well after 9:00pm? You had to drive five hours out to the middle of nowhere. You spent the next two hours driving through the woods trying to find the “right turn after the big rock on the left.” You finally found the campsite and discovered you’re the first group to arrive.

So what would you say if you spent the next hour setting up camp in the dark? Then, after “Q-ing” some ‘dogs and drinkin’ some beer, you decided to call it a night. Just as you began to doze off, the rest of the guys show up. They start to unload and can’t figure out why it’s 8:00 am and you’re still asleep.

So what would you say if while eating breakfast you discovered that it’s the same weekend as the “Jeeper’s Jambore” and there are going to be 200 jeeps to share the trail with? (I would like to point out that I have no problem with the jeeps being there. I just would’ve preferred not to be there at the same time. I’m sure that at least one of them would’ve preferred that I not be there at the same time as well.) You also discovered that everyone else and their mothers decided to show up on the same weekend.

So what would you say if you discovered you had the wrong jets and spent what’s left of the morning trying to bum jets off of complete strangers? As a last ditch effort you tried to run a thin film of hot solder through a large jet, hoping to make it “slightly” smaller (don’t ask). Then at the long water crossing half of the bikes didn’t make it and you spent at least an hour doing CPR to an upside-down bike. To top it off, while trying to pass a parked jeep you did a spastic, flailing wheelie over a rock the size of a small car and used your aluminum hand guards to cave in the rear quarter panel of a classic Bronco. In the process you also ripped off the guys plastic extenda-fender.

So what would you say if all of your riding buddies were ahead of you and the guy driving the Bronco you had just hit want to rip your intestines out? When in your bleakest, smallest moment, the owner of said Bronco walked up and inspected the damage. He turned, and with a big smile began to laugh. He then scoffed, “it’ll look a lot worse than that before the weekend’s over, get outta here and don’t let it mess up your day.”

So what would you say if you spent the rest of the weekend doing nothing but embarrassing yourself by performing a variety of low-speed, man-that’s-a-big-rock, hey-where’s-the-ground fall-overs in front of hundreds of jeepers who are relaxing, watching, and laughing?

You know what I said – “Dude, what a great trip, when are we going next year?”

Ev'mon

Author: Ev'mon

Experience: Riding since '81. Hardware: '94 RMX250; '97 XR600; '95 NightHawk 750; '01 WR426 Ranking: Adventurist Favorite Riding: Tight Woods & Desert Favorite Places: Hungry Valley, CA; Baja Mexico

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